It is much easier for those looking in from the outside to spot a romance scam underway. The frustration in helping victims of romance scams who don't realize they're being scammed can be challenging because they may be emotionally invested and resistant to the idea that their relationship isn't genuine.
Approaching this delicate situation with care, patience and empathy is crucial. Your support could make a significant difference in helping them realize the truth and recover from the experience.
Here are some steps you can take to approach a potential romance scam situation involving someone you care about.
Gather Evidence
Before confronting the person, gather and document any evidence that suggests the relationship is a scam. This might include inconsistencies in the scammer’s story, requests for money, excuses for not meeting in person or anything that seems too good to be true. If you have enough information about the potential scammer, we highly recommend that you consult with a private investigator experienced in these type of investigations to authenticate the individual so that you have all of the facts available to present to your loved one or friend.
Approach with Empathy
Start by expressing your concern in a non-judgmental way. Acknowledge that you understand they care about the person, but that you have some concerns about the relationship. They may be upset that you have injected yourself in their personal life and even taken steps “behind their back” to investigate this person, but remind them that you are doing it out of love and concern for them and you would hope that they would do the same for you if you were in a similar situation.
Provide Information
Share facts you have gathered about the individual in question if you have consulted a private investigator and information about common signs of romance scams, such as the scammer’s reluctance to meet in person, requests for money or overly emotional and urgent messages.
You can also share the stories of other victims who have gone through similar situations and the reality of who the scammers really are from the article and accompanying videos in this CBS network series, “Anything For Money”.
Encourage Critical Thinking
Gently encourage them to think critically about the relationship based on the facts you have gathered about this individual. Ask questions that might help them see inconsistencies or red flags. For example, "Have you ever video chatted with this person?" or "Why haven’t they met you in person despite the time you've spent communicating?"
Offer Support
Let them know that you’re there for them, regardless of what they choose to do. Scammers often isolate and brainwash their victims, so it’s crucial that they feel they have a support system.
Suggest a Break
Encourage them to take a short break from communicating with the person. Sometimes a little distance can help them see the situation more clearly.
Involve Professionals if Necessary
If the person is deeply entangled and resistant to your concerns, it may be better to involve a professional such as a counselor, financial advisor or private investigator who can help them see the situation from a different perspective.
The person you care about may exhibit behaviors or emotions that you have not seen in them before, like secrecy, not being honest and withdrawing from family, friends and their normal activities. They may also accuse you of being jealous because they have found “true love” or because they are making an amazing financial investment that you missed out on or that you just don’t want them to be happy in their new relationship for whatever reason. Don’t take these behaviors or comments personal or allow it to strain your relationship with them. They need you now more than ever. This is part of the scammers manipulation tactics. The scammer wants to control this person and you and anyone else who intervenes to help your loved one are a threat to that.
Be Equipped
Obviously you can’t force your loved one in this situation to get help from professionals, but you could also benefit from their support and advice to keep things in perspective. Experts in romance scams can provide healthy strategies for you to navigate this time and be better prepared for when the opportunity is there to assist the one you care about.
Be Patient
Realizing that they’ve been scammed can be a painful process, and they may not accept it right away. Be patient and continue to offer your support. Victims of romance scams often go through stages of grief similar to those experienced after other forms of loss.
Report the Scam
If they do come to realize they've been scammed and when they are ready, help them take action to be empowered and to prevent others from going through what they did. This might include reporting it to the platform where the scam occurred and organizations that specialize in fraud prevention such as AARP Fraud Watch Network.
Encourage Emotional Healing
Being scammed can be a traumatic experience. Encourage the victim to seek counseling or join support groups where they can share their experiences and start the healing process.
At ID Investigations, we believe that the best way to solve a problem is to prevent it. Always authenticate a new romantic interest with the assistance of a private investigator experienced in romance scams and dating deception to avoid potential problems in the future.
ID Investigations is always here to help you find the answers. Contact us at 833-462-4243 or request a FREE confidential consultation at the bottom of our home page.
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